Feb
9
I recently moved to the downtown Seattle area from Northern Virginia. To pay homage to my home roots, I purchased a pack of Marlboro Virginia Blends cigarettes and started puffing away. Not only was I pleasantly surprised, I was delighted. These cigarettes offer a smooth and almost sweet mellowness which is very satisfying. They pack a pretty decent nicotine content, so you receive a fair buzz, and they pull as well as a cigarette should. The only real drawback I can think of is that they burn fairly quickly, but this is not a bad thing for all.
The Virginia Blends come packaged in a luxurious silver package with a blue tax stamp on the top of the box. These have become my new official cigarette of choice, and the fact that I am from Virginia is really the cherry on top. I recommend these to anyone who likes a smooth cigarette with a bit of sweetness. I hope you've found this review helpful!
Back for another year of reviewing American Idol. Since this is Simon's last it's probably mine too. Maybe next year I'll focus on House Husbands of Hollywood 2.
Season 9 of Idol began with an acknowledgment of all the changes. Paula left the series to pursue obscurity. We were told nine guest judges would appear on the audition rounds vying for Paula's spot and they must've all done fantastic since Ellen DeGeneres got the job.
First up guest-judge wise was the painfully thin Victoria Beckham. My droll daughter Annie, who watched with me, shouted out, “Give her a sandwich! You'd think David Beckham could provide!“
Victoria's musical credentials are impeccable. She was Posh in the Spice Girls. And now Ryan refers to her as a “Fashion Icon”. Oh really? I don't think those doily-laced headbands are going to catch on other than for tying your garbage bags. Here's an example of her expert assessment of a singer's performance: “I love the jeans, the shirt.“
Posh offered nothing in the way of insight or personality, which still made her better than Kara. How the hell is she back for another year? Kara Dioguardi and Jeff Zucker - the two people who can't get fired. I'm reminded of that great line — “Who do you have to fuck to get off this picture?”
Randy Jackson is also back - wearing more make-up than Kara, Victoria, and even Ryan. And what was with the Playskool watch? Did “Fashion Icon” Posh suggest that? Randy unveiled some exciting new meaningless catch-phrases for the season. “Doin' it big!” and my personal favorite, “You're a cool guy. Great hang!“
The show started out in Boston. 9000 delusional guttersnipes getting drenched in a pouring rain. And not one of them I'm sure could appreciate the metaphor.
They started right off with a classic nut. Some whacko girl who kept auditioning to the American Idol video game. And when the animated Simon said she was good enough she entered the real competition. She was horrendous. Annie said they should recall the game if it put her through. Her idea of rehearsing, by the way, was to practice jumping.
There was the obligatory parade of idiots — girls who dressed like Diablo Cody if Diablo Cody was blind and guys decked out like Michael Jackson, the Marlboro Man, and the Burger King. This year's atrocious William Hung Asian kid massacred Eric Carman's “All By Myself”. And we had two or three lunatics who mistook grand mal seizures for dance steps. One cretin actually still thought Paula was there.
All of the losers broke down crying. “Simon's wrong!” “I'm a great singer, I know I am.” “I just took the steroids to heal faster.”
There were heart-tugging stories galore — cancer and down syndrome and dying grandmothers with dementia. All of these contestants got through to Hollywood of course. You're never going to hear, “Well, you have only one year to live and you can't sing.“
Ryan said one contestant got a “One-way ticket to Hollywood.” Uh, does that mean he has to pay his own way home? I guess the economic crunch has even caught up to American Idol.
My favorite aspirants: the drummer who broke both wrists after falling out of a tree, some Clark Kent-looking guy who was pissed he had to wait all day (this really irked Kara who intimated that if you're going to make it in the music industry you better have a talent for waiting), and finally - a blond stoner with horrible skin (I love my HD) who said he was going to try to sound like his idol, Chris Brown. Why Chris Brown? Because “he touches young kids all over the world.” Yeah, he sure touched young Rihanna. He beat the crap out of her. Stoner Boy was rejected but he was satisfied with his performance. As he said, “I did what I had to do. I hit really loud notes.“
More auditions tonight but I'm skipping those because, well, it's the same show as this one. Only the sob stories and costumes will change. Oh, and the guest judge. Not sure but I think it's Captain Beefheart.
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Stash Spotted! The 10 Weirdest Places Drugs Have Been Found
It’s not outer space that has NASA seeing stars. It’s cocaine!
There was no failure to launch at a NASA this week, as a worker discovered a bag of cocaine outside a bathroom in a secure part of a space shuttle hangar at Florida’s Kennedy Space Center. Despite being all spaced-out, NASA has a zero-tolerance drug policy (and is now drug testing everyone with access to the area), so it’s an extra odd place to find some dope. Perhaps not the strangest or funniest, though. Check out some of the most memorable places (that don’t involve dead baby corpses) where drugs have been discovered.
In an ATM, February 2008
• An 18-year-old woman in Bremerton, WA accidentally placed her bag of meth in a deposit envelope instead of her money and tried to deposit it at a Kitsap Credit Union ATM. Silly junkie! Depositing your meth is the how you go through withdrawal!
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In fat rolls, September 2009
• A 5-foot, 220-lb. woman in Pontiac, MI, who’d been sentenced to jail time at her court hearing, tried to sneak her stash in with her by tucking it in some sweaty blubber—completely overlooking the standard strip search. Suddenly smuggling dope in through your anus seem less gross.
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In a public flower pot, September 2009
• Practical jokers in Millville, NJ put planted marijuana in a flower pot hanging from a lamppost on…wait for it…High St. Police eventually noticed the three-foot-tall plants sticking out and took them down, but it was high-larious while it lasted.
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In front of a donut shop, September 2009
• A man, who was apparently unaware of the strong bond between police and pastries, got caught dealing heroin out of a Marlboro Menthol cigarette pack in front of the local Dunkin Donuts in Easton, PA. Hey, some people like their donuts with sprinkles of heroin on top.
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In shark corpses, June 2009
• Drug gangs in Mexico City, Mexico tried to conceal more than a ton of cocaine slabs destined for the U.S. in the frozen corpses of sharks. When Naval officers discovered the stash, those responsible for the shipment claimed the drugs were a conserving agent. Coke—it does a shark body good!
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In stuffed animals, August 2009
• You know how they make teddy bears so cuddly? They slice the cute lil’ fuckers open and stuff ‘em full of heroin! At least that’s what a smack ring in the Bronx, NY did, filling Build-A-Bear dolls with dope before delivering them to distributors. With so much junk coursing through their bodies, we guess you could call them “unsteady bears”!
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In dogs, July 2004
• Dogs may be man’s best friend, but we don’t think they’re cool with drug dealers surgically inserting eleven containers of cocaine in them to smuggle from Colombia to the UK, as a northwest London couple did to some sweet pooches. Sometimes it’s absolutely right to bite the hand that feeds you.
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In a shipment of artichokes, September 2009
• In Peru, police uncovered four tons of high-grade liquid cocaine hidden amongst 8,000 cans of artichokes at the port of Callao. That’s one way to get kids to eat their vegetables.
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In a cast, March 2009
• A 66-year-old Chilean man, who had two fractured bones below the knee, tried to smuggle cocaine into Barcelona in his cast made out of cocaine! The man couldn’t catch a break, in part because he was also hiding coke in his luggage, a six-pack of beer, and the aluminum legs of two stools.
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In a submarine, October 2009
• In Guatemalan waters off the Central American Pacific coast, U.S. anti-drug agents and the Guatemalan Army intercepted three Colombians and a Mexican in a small submarine carrying ten tons of cocaine. That’s even more drugs than the Beatles fit in their yellow submarine!
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In a religious statue, May 2008
• U.S. customs officials with drug-sniffing dogs seized a 6.6-pound statue of Jesus Christ, which a Mexican woman had in the trunk of her car. It turned out God’s son was made from a mixture of plaster and cocaine, which gives a whole new meaning to the “most high.”
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